Shattered memories
by EMTCK
Summary: Niff Jeff Sterling & Nick Duval are together, and madly in-love... But after a carcrash something changes, and not in the positivly way. Angst & Romance, rated T for selfharm and possible smut in later chapters, enjoy
1. Shattered memories

First of all, English is** NOT** my first language! & I **do not** own Glee, or any of the charecters... _(Though I wish I did! ~)_

_- _Niff, and I'm going for sobbu, yes... It's my first Fanfic ever... so eh, enjoy! c':

* * *

_"Seriously Nick, put on your seatbelt…"_, Jeff chuckled, but you could see in his eyes, that he was serious. _"Jeffie, relax; It's just around the corner… And we're almost there"_, Nick said, and you could almost hear the smile in his voice. _"And, if I had the damh seatbelt on, I couldn't do this, could I?"_, he chuckled, and out of the corner of his eye, Jeff could see Nick leaning over to kiss Jeff's cheek, planting soft kisses different places on Jeff's cheek. Jeff couldn't hold a light laugh back, as a red color started to spred over his cheeks. _"Idiot"_, he said, looking at Nick for a moment. _"But I'm your idiot"_, Nick said cheesy and their eyes met… They held the eye contact a second too long, because both of them first turned their head, when a high sound of a car horn broke the air.

For a second everything froze, before it felt like the world speeded up.

A lot of things suddenly happened, Jeff cried out, desperately trying to force the car to turn, as he hit the brake in panic – Not knowing what to do, because his mind was completely blank, and Nick screamed, a high and painful scream, as the two cars crashed together, and everything went blank for both of the boys eyes.

The last thing Jeff remembered was the blood, blood everywhere, smashed together with the ruined car, and Nick's painful scream - Screaming Jeff's name… And Jeff knew that the horrible scene would haunt him forever.

* * *

It'd been a month and a half, since the car accident, and Jeff had been released from the hospital a long time ago. He had escaped with a broken arm, a twisted knee and some bruising –But the damage on his body wasn't the worst; actually he couldn't really feel it, because of the damage inside his heart.

Jeff was sitting on his usual grey hospital chair, in front of a well-known room, with the sign saying "Room 3.6". Though he wasn't strong enough to step inside the room, **again**, because he already knew who was inside it.

Nick hadn't escaped the car accident as luckily as Jeff had, instead off waking up from the accident a couple of days after, he'd stay asleep. And a day were Jeff visited Nick, as he had done every single day since the accident, Nick's heart suddenly stopped beating, and in fear and frustration Jeff had started screaming and crying - Innumerable doctors started running into the room, pushing Jeff aside, as they tried to get Nick's heart to go back into its normal rhythm,** but they couldn't**.

After awhile some of the doctors had to drag Jeff out of the room, and it hadn't gone quietly. Jeff had kicked the doctors chest, not with his fully strength, and screamed at them, crying, saying that was his freaking boyfriend in the bed. They acted understanding, but Jeff didn't believe them, and it took several minutes for the doctors to drag him out.

It'd been a month since then, and the doctors had made it possible for Nick's heart to beat again… Not as strong and fast as it should, but at least… there was a heartbeat.

Nick had been put in a coma, and was under constant supervision, not only by the doctors, but also by Jeff. Jeff had skipped school for over a month now – All of his friends at Dalton had covered for him in some way, actually Jeff didn't knew how and such… He just knew he hadn't been at his classes, because the only thing he could bring himself to do, was to sit in front of room 3.6 and cry until his eyes were blown and red.

Then he would sit there, ignoring the worried nurses walking past him, ignoring the new patients who'd probably end up dying anyway, and ignoring the world… Just repeating the scene in his head, until someone usually came and picked him up.

* * *

It continued like that for about a week, until a day, were Jeff wasn't at the hospital. He was laying in his bed, half awaken after a nap… Normally he wouldn't allow himself to take a nap, when Nick was laying on the edge of dead, but Jeff knew Blaine and Kurt was with him.

The nap hadn't quite worked, because nightmares had haunted him since the day he woke up, to find Nick on the other side of him, unconscious. Jeff knew it was his fault,** everything was his damh fault**, if he just hadn't taken his eyes of the road – Then none of this would've happened! Jeff squeezed his eyes in pain, as it felt like everything inside him turned, and his head started to pound warningly, as the tears fell down his flushed cheeks, again.

Suddenly a tinnitus sound broke into Jeff's head, making him grab his head, squeezing it, cursing the pain to go away… until he realized it wasn't his head, It was his phone ringing. _Oh_... It took him a couple of second's to realize it, but then he grabbed his phone, and the cover said Blaine… Blaine? Why would Blaine call him, wasn't he suppose to be with _Nic…-Nick!_ Jeff desperately fumbled with his phone, accepting the call, almost screaming into the phone; _"Bla-Blaine, is Nick okay, please tell me he's okay?"_

In the other end of the phone, Jeff could hear Kurt talking, and the fact that Blaine hesitated to answer, made Jeff sob like his life depended on it… And in some way, it did.

**_"Blaine!"_**, Jeff screamed, and his desperation scared himself. It sounded like Blaine woke up from a doze, and he cleared his throat before talking. Jeff wasn't sure he wanted to hear this, not sure at all. _"Jeff… Something happened"_, Blaine started, but before he could continue Jeff started crying and sobbing uncontrollable, expecting the worst. Blaine defiantly tried to say something, but Jeff wasn't listening, nothing could possibly matter anymore – Not until Blaine almost yelled;_** "Nick's alive goddamhit!**"_

Jeff kept crying and crying, but this time, it was tears of relief, happiness and pure love. _"Blaine, Blaine I'm coming over, plea-please give me Nick, I just want to hear his voice, just…"_, but Jeff's voice faded as he heard a well-known voice, a missed voice, Nick's voice. _"Who are you talking to Blaine? You look worried man, sit down"_, a tiny voice chuckled, and Jeff kept crying, with a smile spreading over his face, but the smile wasn't there to stay.

You could hear in the other end, that Blaine removed his phone from his mouth… _Why?_ _"Oh, just one of the warblers… " _Blaine started; _"They've all been so worried, you know"_. And in less than a second Jeff's heart broke into a million pieces. That was _lie_,_ it was a lie, **a lie!**_; this had to be a dream. He didn't even care for an explanation, in this second, he hated Blaine, indescribably. _"Blaine! **BLAINE!"**_, Jeff screamed into the phone, not even realizing - Crying in frustration again. Blaine and Nick were still talking, but Jeff wasn't listing anymore. It took awhile before Blaine talked again, and there was no sound of Nick, so Blaine had probably left the room._ "Jeff… Something happened"_, he repeated.

Jeff couldn't care less about anything, anything but Nick. **_"I'm coming over!"_**, he yelled into the phone, with all his anger. Silence… None of them said anything, both of them just tried to catch their breath. _"No Jeff, you can't"_, Blaine said, in an awful calm tone. Jeff was about to scream again - and as he thought his heart already just broke, it suddenly got swollen into a black hole. _"Nick… Nick doesn't remember you Jeff, he doesn't... I'm so sorry"._

Blaine kept talking, bur Jeff wasn't listening anymore, he stepped back until he was leaning up at the cold wall, slowly slipping down until he was on the ground – He'd already cried out all the tears he possibly could, and just laid there, feeling_ empty, cold and forgotten_. **Nick had forgotten him**, the one Jeff loved, had_ forgotten_ him.

* * *

The next week had been the worst in Jeff's life, softly said. As the story about Nick's lost memories started to spread to the rest of the Warblers, and to the rest of Dalton for that matter, people started to look at Jeff in another light. Feeling **pity** for him. And Jeff **hated it**. He just wanted to forget it, even though that he knew HE could never manage to forget Nick. He also hoped for a normal conversation, with his friends, maybe… But no, everybody suddenly became overly protective against him – And it ended with Blaine and Kurt was more in Jeff's room, trying to cheer him up, than at the hospital, with Nick.

Though when the night came, and Kurt and Blaine would finally leave Jeff alone in his room, his inner darkness took fully over. Like any other at Dalton, there'd been a reason for Jeff to move to there, and Nick had been the reason Jeff had forgotten about his past.

With no Nick, the memories would return as a knife, stabbing him in his already broken heart. So awake, he couldn't escape the upcoming, though earlier forgotten, memories.

Jeff had tried to sleep all worries off, which of course would seem to be the easiest way to forget it all… If it wasn't because of Nick, who was haunting his dreams, _terrorizing him_, until he woke screaming or crying up.

Just as Jeff thought he'd gone though the worst week in his life, he was wrong, **terribly wrong.**

* * *

Some news had been received to Dalton about Nick, and Jeff, who in his _own_ head should've been one of the _first persons_ to know- No, should have been **THE FIRST**, to know! But he ended up being the last.

Jeff was sitting in the small bathroom, which actually felt like a good change from the suddenly big bedroom, against the cold floor, leaning up at the just as cold wall. But he wasn't freezing, not at all… Sliding the cold razorblade against his cold skin, biting his lowerlip, which probebly was white from anemia, warmed his body. The rush right before the sudden pain, pumped his blod around twice as fast - and a sigh escaped his lips.

"_Nick Duval will be returning to Dalton, and starting up in school where he left off, next week..."_ A strong voice kept repeating.

His friends knew, they knew, and still, they hadn't told him anything… In the end, a nurse had, the last time he went to the hospital – Jeff hadn't gone to see Nick, just… Observe him, like looking though the faded glass in the door, to room 3.6. Nick looked peaceful, he always did. Oh, expect one time, the last time Jeff had been there.

* * *

Jeff had been _angry,_** angry and frustrated**_, frustrated_ over the world, _hating_… hating everything, and every living soul, on this rotten planet. Actually Jeff had been on his way out of the hospital, and he made sure to push to everything and everyone possible on his way… Until their eyes met, and it felt like Jeff lost it, lost _everything_, and he knew it wasn't only a feeling... Just the single sights crashed every single hope inside his body.

Nick had apparently been out for a walk, and now stood there, in front of his room, **staring at Jeff** – Maybe just because Jeff had made such a hubbub, but there was something more in Nick's gaze. Both of them were frozen, and Nick had grabbed his head, as a pain started to shine though the normally glittering eyes, which were now_ faded and red_. Nick opened his mouth, whispering something, but Jeff couldn't hear it… After that Nick stormed into his room, and Jeff stormed out of the hospital.

The reason Jeff had been angry and frustrated, was that he'd been forbidden to come see Nick, or at least, banned from talking to him… As long as Nick was under the hospitals care – But actually that was only the half part of it.

- Nick would return to Dalton, within the week, still sharing his room with Jeff… Though Jeff wasn't allowed tell him **anything...** about anything, yet.

* * *

**A/N: **So yeah, I actually made this for NiffWeek (_which btw. was **a w e s o m e** !)~_

**Please review and stuff! c': **


	2. Paralyzed

So again, all the same old shit, added **Welcome!**

Warning of a bit of _('wannabe')_ smut

* * *

Jeff's body felt **paralyzed**, just by the slightest thought about Nick's returning – So when the day came, Jeff was softly said, one big mess. It came as a shock, when someone knocked on Jeff's door, and when he slightly opened the door, it wasn't Nick he saw, but the serious face, with no sign of a smile, of the school principal – Within a minute he was gone again, with only one message for Jeff. _"You have to build it all up again"_, he'd said, letting all of Jeff's questions, hang in the tin broken air.

* * *

Jeff honestly couldn't understand how he managed to go to classes that day, but when the school day was over, and he got back to his room, the door stood slightly open. And then, one sound made Jeff's heart literally skip a beat, a well-known **hum** came from the room. Jeff automatically bit his lip, forcing himself to stay strong.

Before he could even realize, somebody opened the door from the other side. _"Oh, I thought I heard something"_, the brunet chuckled. It felt like Jeff got swallowed into a dark hole, as something **ripped his body apart**, hungrily saving his heart for desert. And when Jeff took courage to meet Nick's eyes, his heart cracked into the available number of pieces, and flew away with the wind. _"Hi, I'm Nick!"_ - It took some seconds before Jeff could force a smile, and reply halfhearted _"I'm Jeff…"_, and I'm your motherfucking boyfriend, now, I'm sorry I've fucked up your memories, but** please remember me… Please?**

Nick was just as friendly as always, and he almost dragged Jeff into the room. Jeff made sure to walk straight over to his bed, because he knew he couldn't hold his hands for himself, if Nick got to close.

Nick started to ask Jeff about normal things, to **break the ice**… The ice, which shouldn't be there in the first place. Jeff answered quite automatically, until Nick raised an eyebrow and smiled teasingly, even though there was seriousness in his voice; _"So which team are you on?"_ Jeff knew exactly what Nick meant… Because it was the exact same question Nick asked the first time they met. Jeff couldn't hide the smile coming up, as it felt like he fell in love with Nick all over again._ "Team gay…"_ Jeff said, licking his lips, making sure for Nick to notice, which caused a lightly red color over Nick's cheeks, but it quickly got forced away. Jeff already knew the answer, to the question he was about to ask, but he asked anyway; "And you?"

You could see it in Nick's eyes that he was flattered by the question – But the look quickly turned into something teasingly and calm._ "You'll guess it on the way…"_ he chuckled, before dropping the calm attitude and smiling softly. Jeff reached out for Nick's hand with a smile, starting to pull him closer, and intended to place a kiss on that cute smile, but Nick quickly stepped away, confused. Wh- oh… **Well Fuck**. For a second Jeff actually forgot all about the whole 'My-boyfriend-doesn't-remember-me' thing, and everything had felt fluffy and normal... Jeff quickly looked away, avoiding Nick's confused eyes._ "I guess I'll do"_

A nervous laugh escaped Nick's lips, and Jeff felt kinda bad for him…His memory lose wasn't his fault after all. Jeff couldn't stay annoyed and turned around to look at Nick again, starting up a conversation softly, and Nick seemed to be relieved – Quickly taking his part in the conversation. It was weird, but it didn't feel awkward to talk to Nick, because at some points, it was just his Nickie talking casually with him again… But when Nick moved to more personal parts of Jeff, parts Nick should've know all about, Jeff felt the anger blushing up inside him, hand-in-hand with sorrow, **love and guilt.**

* * *

After some time none of them said anything, and Nick cleared his throat,_ "So, emh… Are you seeing anybody?"_ Nick asked, trying to sound casual – But it wasn't, not for Jeff. _"I am"_, Jeff answered coldly, and you could see the tone had hurt Nick, the tone… or the answer._ "oh, okay, who?"_, Nick asked, in a brighter tone, forcing it to be optimistic. Who... Who was Jeff was dating? What the hell was he supposed to say, 'I'm dating you, you idiot!'? Jeff couldn't do that, and he knew it. In anger he rose from the bed, and started to walk around the room in frustration, growling, before stopping to slam his fist against the wall, sending a crack through it – as a scream of pure anger, mixed with a frustrated growl escaped his lips.

Nick shrunk together on the bed, with several squeaks, as **had he'd been the wall.**

Jeff stood there in anger for some seconds, before looking back at Nick. Nick had risen from the bed as well, and now he walked over, to stand in front of Jeff. _"I-I'm **sorry**..."_ he whispered, looking like he was getting ready for Jeff to hit him. Jeff would never hit him, just the simple thought of Nick hurt, made him squeak himself. Right now Jeff couldn't care less about the hospital, the principal's order or everything else, **fuck it all.** In a quick and harshly movement Jeff grabbed Nick's face, and pulled him closer, ignoring the confused whimpers he was making – As he tried to move away, but this time, Jeff wouldn't let him.

Jeff pressed his lips against Nick's harshly, he knew he wasn't hurting Nick – But Nick still tried to back away, but Jeff kept his grip in him – He gently pushed Nick up against the wall, making sure Nick couldn't escape the kiss – Jeff needed this. Jeff breathed against Nick's soft lips, before starting a new kiss up, placing one leg between Nicks, pressing his thigh against Nick's bulge, with made Nick whimper under him. Jeff completely melted, and his heart pounded hard in his chest, when he suddenly felt Nick's soft lips replying the kiss, lust-fully, and small moans escaped his wet lips.

Jeff took the kiss further and slipped his tongue over to lick Nick's bottom lip, as he pressed his thigh harder against Nick's bulge, which made Nick moan lighter – And as Jeff saw his opportunity, he slipped his tongue inside Nick's warm mouth, meeting the brunet's tongue, moving his own against the other, skillfully, making an explosion. Nick started to resistance again, and Jeff tightened his grip around Nick's arm a bit – And lifted them up above Nick's head. Nick seriously started to whimper now, as small moans constantly escaped his wet lips, but Jeff wasn't going to stop, not as long as Nick replied the kiss, which he kept doing.

Jeff kept his tight grip in Nick's arms, with one hand, as his free hand started to travel down Nick's chest, caressing the fabric, before reaching Nick's pants. Jeff caressed the hard bulge teasingly which appeared, before his hand started unbuttoning Nick's tight jeans – Knowing how good he looked **without 'em.**

Nick's tongue completely froze against Jeff's, which still lustfully moved around, as he tried to get away again. _"Je-Jeff, stop it, **stop it!** Jeff!"_ he started to yell, between moans, as Jeff's hand reached Nick's hard member, and he grabbed it in his hand. Nick leaned his head down on Jeff's shoulder, giving in to pleasure, as small whimpers escaped his wet lips. Jeff started to stroke Nick's member lazily, before his hand got stronger and faster. _"Nickie…"_ Jeff groaned in a whisper, but he shouldn't have.

Nick completely froze, and first after he managed to slap Jeff, he got fully out of Jeff's hands… Tears were actually running down his flushed cheeks by now. _"Wh-What are you doing, idiot?"_ he screamed, and ran over to hit his fists into Jeff's chest several times, still crying in frustration. Jeff stood there, his mouth slightly opened, lost for words… He wasn't sure what to do, but his instincts made him wrap his arms around Nick, quietly hush on him. Nick just stood there, **frozen.**

Suddenly the door slammed open, and Nick almost jumped out of Jeff's arms. Jeff sighed irritated, as Blaine, David and Trent stormed into the room, sending a **killer look** at Jeff. _"What happened, we heard you scream?"_ Trent asked Nick concerned, though his eyes were on Jeff.

Nick just stood there, opening his mouth a few times, glaring at Jeff, and hoping he would come with an answer, rescuing him… But Jeff just stood there, with a smirk solid planted on his lips, watching Nick.

**_"Nothing"_**, Nick whispered, with an unbelievable quiet voice, before tears streamed down his still lightly flushed cheeks, again, and he ran out of the room, while he burrowed his fingers into his head, giving small whimpers of pain.

Blaine, David and Trent all as one sent Jeff another **killer look.**


End file.
